aceofkittens: (not here)
I've been trying really hard lately to practice mindfulness, because I am tired of constantly losing things. I went through and tagged my entire LJ over the holidays, and the fact that "losing my stuff" earned fifteen entries and that I was struggling with this very issue in 2004 really says a lot.

It's not simply the grief at losing a beloved slug hat, or the annoyance at losing a particularly cute set of fleecy striped gloves (as I did over the holidays and still do not understand how that happened), though those things are irritating and painful. It's the underlying knowledge that you're scattered, careless, disorganized, brainless. Except that I have a mind like a steel-jaw trap, which retains facts and trivia for all of eternity... so it makes no sense that my body is like a sieve, constantly leaking small items.

Really, to give myself a little bit of slack, it's that I've got other things on my mind, so these little trivial matters like "Where are the car keys this time?" fall by the wayside. However, after losing the striped fleecy gloves, I really had it with myself. I decided I would pay close attention to all of my small objects, a roll call of items, if you would. This involved saying to myself: "Ok, the car keys always go in the front pocket of my bag. The work keycard always goes in the other front pocket. The sunglasses go in the back pocket. This is where these items live and they have to come home every night to where they live."

It has been working pretty well, and I was giving myself a pat on the back for no longer having to worry about losing my stuff. You can tell there's a "Dun dun DUNNNNN...." moment coming, right? Yeah, well.

Blah )
aceofkittens: (crrrrrazy)
What's going on with me lately? I know you've been wondering...

Wonder no more! )
Well, that's probably more than enough: tl;dr... Over and out.

Irritants

Jun. 9th, 2007 08:09 am
aceofkittens: (ah go on)
Lately, I've been mulling over what little behaviors in other people I find annoying and why. I would have to say that my #1 annoyance is when people don't seem to retain the information I have given them (so it's a real blessing that I dropped out of academe or I would be irritated 24/7). :) Whether it's an inability to follow a story I'm telling, or failing to remember the relationship between key players, or just asking me repeatedly what it is I am doing Friday night, when people do this, I find myself feeling extremely irritated.

Why? One of the reasons is that I am blessed with a memory like a steel jaw trap for certain things and thus I can't imagine that other people might not be as (anal) retentive. Thus, I perceive their inattention or la-la-la flakiness as a failure to listen to me, which triggers some other hot buttons for me.

This is not a killing offense, or else [livejournal.com profile] toastmantom would have been dead years ago. :) However, I often find myself somewhat snarly over this sort of thing.

And what about you? Tell me all your secret irritants...
aceofkittens: (marzipan)
When asked to describe my Thanksgiving weekend, I've said something like: "I ate and drank my way to oblivion." That's pretty much true.

I gave up eating poultry last January and I have never looked back. It wasn't such a huge sacrifice, to be honest, because I didn't eat all that much to begin with. It had been years since I'd had any beef, pork, or lamb, etc. I never really liked the taste/texture of meat anyway. So really, my only intake of animal flesh (from the land and sky) was via the unidentified mystery sausages and cold cuts from the Russian deli. And frankly, those mystery cold cuts is the only thing I ever occasionally miss about meat. (Though I did enjoy turkey, esp. at Thanksgiving!)

But you should have heard some people fussing when I told them I was going to cut out poultry and make a conscious effort to steer clear of the mystery meats. "Wah wah, what about protein?" Well, what ABOUT protein? Did I eat that much before? No, no I didn't. Meanwhile, I have continued to ingest dairy, as well as fish, fish eggs, sprats, and gummy animals: all great sources of protein.

So, to make a long story short, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I had wondered if I would have a hard time not eating the turkey, but it wasn't an issue at all. I wasn't even tempted. On the day itself, I gorged on sweet potatoes with bourbon, sauerkraut, pumpkin blini, and cranberry sauce, washing it all down with cranberry vodka. And I refrained from lecturing about the fact that everyone should adopt a turkey rather than eating one. I'm not quite at that level of activism — yet.
aceofkittens: (sad shalott)
Yesterday, I thought I'd elevate this LJ a little from its typical "whining and moaning" content, by posting about my walks in Holy Cross Cemetery: Read all about it!

Today, as promised, I'm posting pictures!

The entrance )

The big church on the cemetery grounds )

A funeral's aftermath )

The weird white coffin )

Bela Lugosi's dead )

Heron! )

This concludes today's photo essay. :)
aceofkittens: (sad shalott)
Well, it was my life, now it's my loss... Holy Cross...
— "Holy Cross," Old 97's

I work across the street from a big Catholic cemetery, Holy Cross. As someone who grew up in San Francisco, I find the concept of a cemetery right there within the city limits to be somehow odd and unusual. San Francisco kicked out most of its dead people in 1912 and sent them all off to Colma to get buried. Colma also contains some pretty big shopping centers. Colma, land of the dead and of Home Depot.

In any case, I was intrigued by Holy Cross and its proximity to my workplace. It was only a matter of time... )
Later tonight: my Holy Cross photo essay, freshly snapped during today's perambulations. Stay tuned!
aceofkittens: (Default)
Can it really be that five years have gone by? I worked quite a bit as an extra on the first season of Angel -- if you squint hard enough, you can probably see me, running around Wolfram & Hart as a lawyer or a secretary or on the street or in a club scene, in some episodes that season. I worked a little on the second season, too -- by then, I was stepping away from the whole extra thing, so I can't really remember much about it. The last time I ever worked as an extra, though, it was on Angel. I wore my fun fur skirt, for the first, and only time. That $9 purchase paid for itself.

Working as an extra cured me of my love for TV and movies. It cured my wide-eyed fascination with the "Biz." Most importantly, it cured my "fandom" and any hero-worship type emotion I ever held for any actor, ever. All of those feelings drained away as quickly as my financial security (I'm still reaping all the benefits of that high paying career choice). Do I regret going that route? No, I don't. Do I miss doing that work? God, no.

I do miss that initial sense of wonder I got from being on a set -- of seeing, in the flesh, actors that fans would squee over. It was fun to know spoilers for my favorite shows long before anyone else. Then again, I miss having "favorite shows." Angel was the last TV show that I still watched with any regularity. And now it's over.
aceofkittens: (Default)
(Only [livejournal.com profile] toastmantom will get that, but I am all about the in-jokes for one person's benefit.)

****

Rambling Rover... )

I guess I should drive over to help out some more with the new place. Other people will be hauling around furniture, though, and I kind of feel like waiting til that's over and done with.
aceofkittens: (hmm)
If pretentious late-night pontificating isn't your cup of tea: nothing to see here, move along.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering? )

Sleep now.
aceofkittens: (Default)
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep...

--Soul Asylum, Runaway Train

Ramblings about music & excess baggage mercifully under LJ-CUT )


It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep; there’s no way out
This time I have really led my self astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here nor there...
aceofkittens: (Default)
Tons of annoyances have prevented me from updating; mostly the tragic demise/meltdown of my computer's OS. I'm still working out those issues, kind of trying to salvage as much as possible.

That could be said for life in general. (Ain't this the life?!)

Some philosophical rambling, complete with song lyrics! )

*And the person who identifies all the weird and random song quotations in this disjointed LJ entry will get some marzipan or something. Yeah.
aceofkittens: (Default)
...Do you wanna be my friend
Do you wanna start it off
Just to see how it will end...


Rhett Miller: my hero.

I think that the hardest lesson that I've learned this year (and am still learning) is that things end -- and it's ok that they do.

Just something I'm thinking about.
aceofkittens: (Default)
I got to see one of my dearest friends very unexpectedly today, and that was awesome. I saw her in a group, though, which meant we didn't get to spend very much "quality" time together. Surrounded by other people -- that also fun, but I think she wanted to talk on a less superficial level, and I felt bad that I couldn't spend that much time with her. On the other hand, it was such a wonderful gift to see her at all, so I was happy.

But anyway, two of the other people were joking around and laughing. Here's their loosely paraphrased conversation:

G1: We'd had a lot of wine and I was feeling it. We both went to the bathroom, and there I am in the stall, and G2 is in the stall next to me, and I said, "Why are we friends? Jesus, we have nothing in common!"

G2: So I had to come up with some reasons real fast!

There was much laughter all around. But this is a topic which has always fascinated me. Why are people friends? What keeps people interested in one another? Why spend time with person X as opposed to person Y? By extension, what is it that makes people not friends? When does the "magic" disappear?

There are people that I haven't seen in years about whom I can firmly say: "we're still friends." There are people I've never seen that I can also say that about (though this is a whole different kettle of fish I don't want to get into). And yet there are also people that even if I saw them every day, we'd never be "friends." So there's no use pretending. It's like asking for someone's number at a party, when you both know that you'll never see that person again. Not worth the time or effort, so why do people bother?

On that note, I've decided to stop bothering to read a number of LJs that I've frequented in the past. It's just not worth the time and aggravation and annoyance quotient. The thing that I have always hated about online journals is that people will inevitably use them as a passive aggressive forum to say something they don't have the balls to say to someone's face. I'm so done with that shiznit, it's not even funny.

Hmmm...

Feb. 20th, 2003 11:14 am
aceofkittens: (Default)
I meant to get up at 5 a.m. to drive north, but this cunning plan was derailed by the fact that I didn't get to sleep til 3 a.m. -- brilliant! So now, I probably won't go til tomorrow, and I really don't like driving up on Fridays because traffic is always that much worse. But if I leave right now, I'll hit traffic both in LA (lunchtime) and getting into SF (rush hour). And considering how little sleep I got, I probably won't want to drive later this afternoon and will crash this evening. So, in the meantime, I'm just slowly getting my stuff together and having a discussion with a dear friend.

Me: When will we learn that saying "No" right away will save trouble in the long run? Why don't we learn?

Friend: Because we live in hope that, some day, when we say "Yes," the person we're saying it to won't let us down.

It's so simple, and yet, so true. Yet I still don't learn.

Ace of Kittens: bitter optimist or hopeful pessimist? Discuss.
aceofkittens: (Default)
(Only one person would probably get the Subject line of this post, and I don't think she even knows what LJ is, much less reads mine. Though maybe you'll get this, [livejournal.com profile] vaznetti!)

Earlier this afternoon, a sparrow flew up to the window, and attached itself to the screen. It hung there, chirping merrily, then flew away. That pretty much was the highlight of my day.

When I was little, for some reason I was really into sparrows. I had fantasies of catching them. Trapping them somehow, or just grabbing them... this actually bolsters my belief that I was a cat in my previous life, because these fantasies were quite detailed and elaborate. A former therapist was very concerned about this -- I think she started suspecting that I could very well be one of those sociopaths that tortures animals as a kid, then grows up to kill people -- and she kept asking me what I had planned to do with the birds once I'd caught them. This really startled me, because I actually had no plans for them. My sparrow fantasy never went beyond the acquisition phase.

This is sort of the story of my life. I don't really exhibit good long-term planning. I'm like a kitten with ADD -- I'll chase random bugs until I suddenly realize I have to be in the other room now. Then I'm shocked that I haven't gotten anything accomplished.

And now for some rambling! )
aceofkittens: (Default)
For some unknown reason, I decided to forego the Comtrex and drank a huge diet Coke, so I can't get to sleep and am drowning in my own snot. However, I do feel better than I did last night, so by next year, I should be just peachy.

It being the middle of the night, it's time for some old-fashioned contemplative rambling.

I have a friend who doesn't like to give/receive presents to/from friends. They just never got into that with his friends, apparently. On Zargon XV where he's from. (I know you're reading, alien freak, and you're still getting one, though you don't deserve it!) On the one hand, this seems odd to me, as we always gave gifts in my group of friends. On the other hand, it saves money and helps avoid those awkward moments when your casual acquaintance gives you a hardback novel by an author you don't like and you sneak down to the bookstore to trade it in for cheap booze and cigarettes.

I haven't done any shopping for presents. My mom's been hounding me about "what I want" for New Years (which is when we exchange gifts, and this is why), and I always say, "Nothing." When your realize (after following the link) that Russians call our Santa "Dead Morose," it won't be so shocking. Will it.

The thing is, though, "Nothing" is what I always say. I feel like I don't really want anything. Ever. All of my desires/wants/needs have been a flatline for so long. I don't want anything. I don't know really what I want. I don't know how to ask for it. I'm so terrified of being rejected about whatever it is, I'll make my request into a joke to cushion that blow of possible rejection. Then, no one takes it seriously.

I have to stop that shiznit. So, here's my list of things (I think) I really want, as of 3:30 a.m. on 12/27/02. )

I feel sleepy! Can it be time for an installment of "The whales have giant teeth?"

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