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A word from our sponsor:
Apr. 20th, 2004 12:45 amI won't be making any public posts for a while. Sorry to disappoint my legions of fans.
Thursday.
Another gray morning. Sometimes, this kind of overcast, foggy-seeming sky is a sneaky trick LA plays to make people from SF feel like they're at home. Then, you walk outside, and it's actually gray, muggy, and 90. But today is for real. It may burn off by noon, like it sometimes does.
My hands are kind of cold and numb. I've been typing too much lately. I've been going to bed at 2 or 3, and waking up, all on my own, before 6. All work and no play is making![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aceofkittens a very tired girl.
In case you were wondering.
Another gray morning. Sometimes, this kind of overcast, foggy-seeming sky is a sneaky trick LA plays to make people from SF feel like they're at home. Then, you walk outside, and it's actually gray, muggy, and 90. But today is for real. It may burn off by noon, like it sometimes does.
My hands are kind of cold and numb. I've been typing too much lately. I've been going to bed at 2 or 3, and waking up, all on my own, before 6. All work and no play is making
aceofkittens a very tired girl.In case you were wondering.
The wish for water
Sep. 13th, 2003 10:45 amMy mind wanders, scrabbling around all over the place... restless, like a little mouse rooting around in the scrub grasses on the side of the road.
I'm just so -- blah. I have that trapped feeling growing inside me again, which at the "height of each attack," makes me do things I shouldn't. Maybe I should listen to Cowboy Mouth; their big hit, "Jenny Says," has some words to live by: "Let it go, let it go, let it go..." But I just can't seem to.
So I went back and read one of my favorite poems, "California Hills in August," by Dana Gioia. The full text of it can be found here: http://www.danagioia.net/poems/californiahills.htm. Sort of the theme of the day, given the weather.
I'm just so -- blah. I have that trapped feeling growing inside me again, which at the "height of each attack," makes me do things I shouldn't. Maybe I should listen to Cowboy Mouth; their big hit, "Jenny Says," has some words to live by: "Let it go, let it go, let it go..." But I just can't seem to.
So I went back and read one of my favorite poems, "California Hills in August," by Dana Gioia. The full text of it can be found here: http://www.danagioia.net/poems/californiahills.htm. Sort of the theme of the day, given the weather.
I am so stressed out that I've gone into full on "manic panic" mode, which for me means feeling queazy, being unable to sleep, and generally feeling like a cornered animal. Unfortunately, when I feel trapped like this, I have a tendency to start chewing my own arm off to escape.
Let's hope I don't go there. But, speaking of going, here's some TMI.
( TMI )
In the meantime, I'm on a mission to weigh the cats. ( Yes, this is a k1tt10 story )
Eh, eh. Time to get more work done.
Let's hope I don't go there. But, speaking of going, here's some TMI.
( TMI )
In the meantime, I'm on a mission to weigh the cats. ( Yes, this is a k1tt10 story )
Eh, eh. Time to get more work done.
It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely
Dec. 27th, 2002 02:53 amFor some unknown reason, I decided to forego the Comtrex and drank a huge diet Coke, so I can't get to sleep and am drowning in my own snot. However, I do feel better than I did last night, so by next year, I should be just peachy.
It being the middle of the night, it's time for some old-fashioned contemplative rambling.
I have a friend who doesn't like to give/receive presents to/from friends. They just never got into that with his friends, apparently. On Zargon XV where he's from. (I know you're reading, alien freak, and you're still getting one, though you don't deserve it!) On the one hand, this seems odd to me, as we always gave gifts in my group of friends. On the other hand, it saves money and helps avoid those awkward moments when your casual acquaintance gives you a hardback novel by an author you don't like and you sneak down to the bookstore to trade it in for cheap booze and cigarettes.
I haven't done any shopping for presents. My mom's been hounding me about "what I want" for New Years (which is when we exchange gifts, and this is why), and I always say, "Nothing." When your realize (after following the link) that Russians call our Santa "Dead Morose," it won't be so shocking. Will it.
The thing is, though, "Nothing" is what I always say. I feel like I don't really want anything. Ever. All of my desires/wants/needs have been a flatline for so long. I don't want anything. I don't know really what I want. I don't know how to ask for it. I'm so terrified of being rejected about whatever it is, I'll make my request into a joke to cushion that blow of possible rejection. Then, no one takes it seriously.
I have to stop that shiznit. ( So, here's my list of things (I think) I really want, as of 3:30 a.m. on 12/27/02. )
I feel sleepy! Can it be time for an installment of "The whales have giant teeth?"
It being the middle of the night, it's time for some old-fashioned contemplative rambling.
I have a friend who doesn't like to give/receive presents to/from friends. They just never got into that with his friends, apparently. On Zargon XV where he's from. (I know you're reading, alien freak, and you're still getting one, though you don't deserve it!) On the one hand, this seems odd to me, as we always gave gifts in my group of friends. On the other hand, it saves money and helps avoid those awkward moments when your casual acquaintance gives you a hardback novel by an author you don't like and you sneak down to the bookstore to trade it in for cheap booze and cigarettes.
I haven't done any shopping for presents. My mom's been hounding me about "what I want" for New Years (which is when we exchange gifts, and this is why), and I always say, "Nothing." When your realize (after following the link) that Russians call our Santa "Dead Morose," it won't be so shocking. Will it.
The thing is, though, "Nothing" is what I always say. I feel like I don't really want anything. Ever. All of my desires/wants/needs have been a flatline for so long. I don't want anything. I don't know really what I want. I don't know how to ask for it. I'm so terrified of being rejected about whatever it is, I'll make my request into a joke to cushion that blow of possible rejection. Then, no one takes it seriously.
I have to stop that shiznit. ( So, here's my list of things (I think) I really want, as of 3:30 a.m. on 12/27/02. )
I feel sleepy! Can it be time for an installment of "The whales have giant teeth?"
Baby Steps
Oct. 21st, 2002 07:38 pmI left the house today!
I know that doesn't seem like a really big accomplishment, but it was! Now, I am not afraid of leaving the house, or anything like that, but left to my own devices, I just don't. I sit around, stewing unproductively. Basically, it's not that I can't leave the house. I just don't want to.
Some might call this "depression."
Today, I left the house, ran all my errands, and went to the gym. Now, here's the thing. There was a time when, rain or shine, I went to the gym, every day. Every day, for years and years. I loved the gym. Sometimes, I'd go twice. I was thinner back then. Then I got a job with really erratic, unpredictable hours and the gym fell by the wayside. And I got lazy. And there you go.
What is the meaning of all this?
Well, last week, I started taking 5-HTP on the advice of one of my friends. It's a natural serotonin supplement. It's supposed to give you weird dreams. For the first week, nothing. In fact, I've been just as depressed than usual. Over the weekend, I finally got the weird dreams. The one about the Starks of Winterfell taking over an abandoned print warehouse was the least of it.
Today, this sudden burst of activity. Coincidence?
I know that doesn't seem like a really big accomplishment, but it was! Now, I am not afraid of leaving the house, or anything like that, but left to my own devices, I just don't. I sit around, stewing unproductively. Basically, it's not that I can't leave the house. I just don't want to.
Some might call this "depression."
Today, I left the house, ran all my errands, and went to the gym. Now, here's the thing. There was a time when, rain or shine, I went to the gym, every day. Every day, for years and years. I loved the gym. Sometimes, I'd go twice. I was thinner back then. Then I got a job with really erratic, unpredictable hours and the gym fell by the wayside. And I got lazy. And there you go.
What is the meaning of all this?
Well, last week, I started taking 5-HTP on the advice of one of my friends. It's a natural serotonin supplement. It's supposed to give you weird dreams. For the first week, nothing. In fact, I've been just as depressed than usual. Over the weekend, I finally got the weird dreams. The one about the Starks of Winterfell taking over an abandoned print warehouse was the least of it.
Today, this sudden burst of activity. Coincidence?
